A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas [2011] [R] - 9.8.10

 
 

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ASSIGNED NUMBERS

Unlike the MPAA we do not assign one inscrutable rating based on age, but 3 objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE and PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10, from lowest to highest, depending on quantity and context.

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Sex & Nudity
Violence & Gore
Profanity
1 to 10

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Two estranged druggie friends (John Cho and Kal Penn) meet again during the Christmas holidays, and when one of them visits the other, he accidentally burns down the cherished family Christmas tree. The two then hit the streets of New York City to find a replacement and run into thugs, drug parties, strange children and odd stage shows but not a perfect tree. Also with Paula Garces, Danny Trejo, Bobby Lee, Neil Patrick Harris, Danneel Ackles, Elias Koteas, Patton Oswalt, Tom Lennon and Jordan Hinson. Directed by Todd Strauss-Schulson. [1:30]

SEX/NUDITY 9 - A man standing against a metal pole outside in winter and wearing a T-shirt and boxer shorts groans and we see his penis extending from his shorts with the head stuck to the pole. In a Claymation scene, a man pulls out his penis, that extends for three feet into the audience and we see the orifice in the head. Two close-up photographs feature three nuns from the waist up, wearing only their short headpieces as they shower (we see bare breasts, arms, shoulders and abdomens and one bare buttock).
 A man goes to Heaven and sees many beautiful women wearing bras, panties, garter belts, stockings and high heels (we see significant cleavage, bare shoulders, arms, abdomens and legs); two of the woman in close-up are bare-breasted, they sit beside the man on a couch, and one woman reaches into his pants and masturbates him as he gasps and two other men look on and smile.
 A man holding a baby walks into a bedroom at a party where another man and a woman are having sex: the woman's bare back is seen (she is wearing a bra) as she straddles the man and thrusts on top of him, the man exclaims three times as he climaxes and the man with the baby runs out of the room.
 A woman is shown wearing a bra and garter belt and we see cleavage, bare legs and bare buttocks; she sits on a staircase as her husband comes in from work, pulls him between her legs and makes a sexually suggestive remark, they kiss and then they are interrupted by the doorbell.
 A man and a woman at a party go upstairs, she removes her clothing (we see her from behind, with a bare lower and upper back), he sits on the bed wearing a shirt and briefs, she jumps on top of him (we see the bare shoulders of both of them), they kiss, he becomes scared, and she reaches under the covers off screen and makes a suggestive comment about his erection (it is not clear whether sex occurs).
 A man invites a female dancer to his dressing room, and before entering his room he kisses another man on the mouth and says they are gay; once in the dressing room, he tells the woman to remove her sweater for a massage (she is seen wearing a bra, panties and high heels and we see bare legs, back, shoulders, abdomen and cleavage), he sits on her buttocks, slaps them, unhooks her bra, rubs her back and sides, spits on her buttocks (we see only the spit), rubs his groin on her buttocks, and she screams, jumps up, curses at him to leave her alone, and leaves the room.
 A close-up of several women's knees and legs pointing up in the air on stage ends with the last pair spreading in front of the camera and a man standing up and wiping off his mouth with his sleeve (suggests oral sex). A woman pulls down a man's pants to reveal boxer shorts and kneels in front of his groin; the man shouts, "Get her off me!" and she gets up when her father arrives (we see no sexual activity).
 We see a photograph of a man beside a Christmas tree, a white stream of liquid extending from the groin of his jeans to the tree and bouncing off into the lower left foreground (presumably semen).
 A nun in a photograph is seen pouting and holding a large shower brush that is dripping suds (suggesting male genitals). A girl in an out of focus cell phone video lifts her skirt; we see a blur. Women at parties wear tight, short dresses that reveal cleavage and bare legs. At a mall Santa display, three women wear tight, low-cut blouses and short skirts that reveal deep cleavage and bare legs, with a flash of panty on one. A woman sits on a bed wearing a T-shirt that reveals cleavage and shorts that show bare legs. A man at a woman's house and wearing only briefs (we see his bare chest) hides in a closet when her father comes home and remains in only briefs for the rest of the film. A shirtless man is shown covered in many tattoos. Several Rockettes-like female dancers wear short midriff blouses that reveal bare abdomens and cleavage, along with short skirts that reveal much of their legs.
 A mother complains about a man sitting on a Santa Claus's lap and the man shouts a sexually suggestive remark in front of 30 children. When a woman tells a man that she is pregnant with his child, he describes his ejaculation and she says that he is immature. A man wears a T-shirt that reads, "I got molested by my neighbor." One man tells a male friend that marijuana impairs fertility in men and the second man says it does not. A man playing Santa says his "sugarplums" (testicles) hurt because another man is sitting on his lap. Santa Claus tells a man to stop his habit of masturbating into a sock containing baby powder, then laughs and says he does it too. A man refers to the group Wu Tang Clan as Gang-Bang Clam. A man says that he wants to be medically uncircumcised. A man at a party asks twice if semen is in his punch. A man continually speaks about wanting to have sex with a virgin woman and about trying to find a virgin. A man tells male friends that another man will be so happy with his new Christmas tree that he will ejaculate (using a crude term).
 A man and a woman sit on a bed, clothed, she shows him a pregnancy test stick, tells him that she is pregnant and he says he is happy as they embrace.

VIOLENCE/GORE 8 - In a flashback, a man's mother is beaten to death by a gang and left on the sidewalk in a pool of blood. A flashback shows a man cutting another man's throat in a shower of blood, using a grenade to blow up a truck, and shooting people with a rifle amid streams of blood. A flashback shows a man running from a bordello, he is shot several times in the back, the bullets exit the front with some blood and smoke, he falls to his knees and the scene ends.
 A man orders two thugs to kill everyone at a party except his children; everyone screams and runs out of the house as gunfire hits only pillows. Two men in a dark alley fire a rifle into the air to attract attention and get a ride, Santa Claus falls from the sky to the pavement and his sleigh and reindeer land beside him (a lot of blood flows from around the brim of Santa's hat and we see a gaping wound and bullet); one of the men uses medical equipment from Santa's bag to remove the bullet and sew the wound slowly in close-up (blood runs out of the wound into the street) and the next morning we see a bloody Santa hat on a carpet at the foot of a large Christmas tree and a circle of blood surrounding it.
 On a street, two thugs grab two men and use chloroform to knock them out (the two captives are then seen wearing T-shirts and boxer shorts although it's winter), tie them face to face on opposite sides of a metal pole in an alley, they pour gasoline on them, cannot find a lighter and slap each other in the face several times, and one of the thugs picks up a rifle to kill the captured men, a robot wheels up, spews hot syrup into the face of one thug (he falls down screaming), the robot hits the other thug in the groin with a waffle iron attachment and knocks him out, and the robot hoses hot syrup onto the ropes holding the captives to melt off the ropes; one man finds his penis stuck to the pole (please see the Sex/Nudity category for more details), the second man offers to pee on it to thaw it, the first man says no, the second man finds a thermos and pours hot coffee on the man and he is freed, screams and limps away, bent over at the waist and holding his groin.
 Two men escape a closet as a toddler runs out and distracts another man with a gun; one of the men hits the gunman over the head with a club to no avail, and the second man hits him over the head with a barbell to knock him out.
 Several protesters pummel a man with a hundred eggs that seem to splash into the audience, he curses and falls in a pile of slimy eggs and shells, the protesters chase another man, egg two taxis and a car, urinate on the windshield (we see a stream of urine) and throw feces onto the closed driver's side window (the feces remain there for the rest of the film). In a still shot, a man has knocked a bloody tooth from a priest's mouth into the foreground of the scene.
 Two men argue over a huge marijuana cigarette (please see the Substance Use category for more details), and it is thrown out the window but blows back, creating a large fire in a Christmas tree; the men throw the tree through a window toward the audience, the glass shatters and the tree lands on a walkway where snow puts out the fire. A car and a Jeep run into several orange barrels along a road that roll and fly into the audience; the Jeep overturns, the car slams into a curb, all the occupants get out, and the Jeep blows up in a cloud of smoke and flames.
 A man demands more money in his checking account from another man purchasing drugs from him and the buyer agrees. Two men argue about friendship and drug use several times. A man argues with his extended family members three times. A man and his father-in-law argue and curse loudly.
 On TV, a boy sticks a fork into a toaster, gets shocked, and lathers at the mouth as he falls down while his little sister is burnt red with steaming hot pancake syrup on one hand. In Claymation, a squirrel splats on a sidewalk, with the head and legs detached and lots of gore seeping out. A Claymation monster snowman rips a hotdog vendor in half and we see blood, guts and gore. A Claymation monster snowman smashes animated cabs that catch on fire and explode in smoke and flames.
 A baby at a party flatulates loudly several times and her dad groans and says he must change a diaper. A man lives in a filthy apartment, piled high with food boxes, debris and empty drug baggies. We see a close-up of a car's broken windshield.

PROFANITY 10 - About 87 F-words, 1 obscene hand gesture, 20 sexual references, 19 scatological terms, 22 anatomical terms, 9 mild obscenities, exclamations (shut up), name-calling (retarded, losers, moron, stupid, ghetto, "glasses," immature, white-boy, honky, punk, toolbox, sociopath), stereotypical references to Christmas, Christians, Jews, Asians, Mexicans, blacks, Uncle Toms, whites, babies, nerds, homosexuals, women, middle school kids, Russian thugs, Ukrainians), 7 religious profanities, 25 religious exclamations. [profanity glossary]

SUBSTANCE USE - A mall Santa has a trunk-load of bags filled with hashish and marijuana marked as Red-Eyed Reindeer and similar names, a man waves a bag of crack in front of a friend who fidgets and gets down on his knees to beg for it, gallon-sized bags of cocaine are tossed around a party, a man and his baby find a baggie of what looks like rock candy and we hear it is methamphetamine (both dad and baby eat some of it and the baby giggles, screams, laughs, itches, and runs so fast we cannot see her except a red blur from her sleeper outfit and the dad seems unaffected), we see plastic bags of drugs (cocaine, crack, hashish, marijuana, morphine and methamphetamines) throughout the film, a man lights a large marijuana cigarette while sitting in a car with a baby and the baby becomes intoxicated (she giggles and babbles very fast), we see two marijuana cigarettes smoked by two men at different times, an ornate wooden box reveals a 10-inch marijuana cigarette that a man lights and smokes until another man throws it out the window and says he quit smoking altogether, drug bongs and pipes are shown in use several times, a man charges up to a mall Santa and sits on his lap (he whispers that he needs stuff, i.e. drugs), we see a mall Santa wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with a marijuana leaf remove plastic bags of drugs and two pipes from his vehicle's trunk, three men smoke hashish while blowing clouds into the audience, a cloud of smoke becomes a wreath full of marijuana leaves, a man takes drugs home and uses a large bong three times to smoke them and makes large smoke clouds, a man says that he needs to stay home ."..so I can smoke these drugs and get high," we see Santa Claus in his sleigh and facing the audience while smoking marijuana from a large candy-cane striped bong and smiling, a man smokes crack from a small metal pipe and puffs a little smoke, the closing credits include large clouds of smoke (presumably marijuana smoke as leaves from the plant appear joined together as large snowflakes falling), a boy drugs eggnog that he gives to two men and they pass out, we see people (adults, middle school and high school kids) snort cocaine, adults snort cocaine and one sneezes in a pile of it as another man brings in his 18-month-old baby (a cloud of cocaine covers everything and everyone in the room and the baby rubs it into her gums, she giggles loudly and screams and scratches her itching face throughout the rest of the film and at one point, crawls around fast on the ceiling), and two gunmen come into a party and begin shooting handguns that break bags of cocaine and spray the powder in the air. A large house party includes people from ages approximately 10 to adult holding cups of beer or drinking from beer bottles and cups as well as champagne glasses and glasses of wine, a boy about 12 to 14 years old drinks from a beer cup a few times and teens that could be under 18 drink beer and wine, two boys of about 10 and 12 to 14 years old challenge two adult men to a Beer Pong game (we do not see the entire game, but we see the last thrown ball and the adults win), heaven is shown as having a long white bar with many bottles of liquor on the back bar, and a crumpled beer can is shown by a man's alarm clock.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Religious holidays, recreational drug use, drug side effects, family traditions, friendship, accidents, crime, responsibility, reconciliation.

MESSAGE - The benefits of recreational drugs are as real as Santa Claus.

Special Keywords: S9 - V8 - P10 - MPAAR

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