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Ted 2 [2015] [R] - 6.5.10

 
 

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ASSIGNED NUMBERS

Unlike the MPAA we do not assign one inscrutable rating based on age, but 3 objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE and PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10, from lowest to highest, depending on quantity and context.

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Sex & Nudity
Violence & Gore
Profanity
1 to 10

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In this sequel a sentient Teddy bear (voiced by Seth McFarland) seeks the legal status of a human being in order to legalize his marriage to a woman (Jessica Barth) and have a child. Meanwhile, toy makers plan to steal the bear and reproduce his sentience. Also with Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Morgan Freeman, Patrick Warburton and Michael Dorn. Directed by McFarland. [1:55]

SEX/NUDITY 6 - A man enters a private room in a fertility clinic and comes out with a sperm sample, carrying it into a laboratory where a teddy bear throws another sample at him and it breaks open, with slimy white material spilling on the floor; a shelving unit with dozens of samples spills onto them and slimes the man from head to toe as he lies under the shelves (the bear takes a photo and posts it to Facebook) as a nurse enters and says that the sperm samples were all rejected for Sickle Cell syndrome.
 At a bachelors' party men watch a film of two bears having sex, which we see as one bear thrusting many times into the rear of another bear. A teddy bear stands in a chair and does pelvic thrusts (it has no genitals). A male-voiced teddy bear stands on a sidewalk at night wearing a short skirt and hoop earrings, advertising oral sex, three for $1.00.
 A few people jostle together at a convention and the neckline of a woman's blouse comes down to her waist, revealing large breasts (no nipples are seen); she slaps a man next to her, blaming him for the incident. Many female dancers in a production number wear sequined bikinis before switching to white tailcoats and legless shorts and then to long see-thru dresses that reveal thighs and legs, bare arms and some cleavage. Two extreme close-ups show a woman's clothed buttocks; one covered by a tight knit dress and one covered by a bikini bottom on a Jumbotron. A man wearing a tight body suit exhibits a large bulge in the groin area. We see a huge statue of a nude female torso; the breasts have no nipples and the abdomen has no navel. A woman wears tight-fitting blouses that reveal her bra and large cleavage. A woman wears a lace knee-length shirt that reveals panties and bare thighs through the lace. A few scenes include women wearing low-cut blouses and dresses that reveal moderate cleavage and a few short skirts and tight body suits that reveal bare legs to the top of the thigh or tightly outline the thighs, buttocks and legs. A few men wear knee-length shorts. Several men appear shirtless and we see bare chests. A woman wears a jumpsuit with cutouts that show skin around the midriff.
 A man takes a photo of a teddy bear trying to smoke a phallus-shaped bong and posts the photo to Facebook (please see the Substance Use category for more details); the man chuckles, saying, "Suck that thing." At a fertility clinic a man rubs his groin in the waiting room while another man remarks that a man in a bathroom will yank out a sample.
 A man and a teddy bear break into a football player's bedroom to take a sperm sample for a fertility procedure and lift his covers; a light glows, while the man and bear stare in awe, presumably at the size of the man's genitals (we do not see any flesh); the man wakes up and curses (we see him wearing a T-shirt and long shorts that cover his groin area).
 A woman kisses a teddy bear twice. A man and a woman kiss briefly several times. A man tries to get a date with a nurse at a fertility clinic and she declines. A man tells a woman, "I love your dress" and tries to follow her, but she closes a door in his face.
 A teddy bear offers to "do a handjob" on the outside of a man's trousers, but the man declines. A man meets a woman attorney and a teddy bear says that she wants to have sex with the man. A teddy bear in a bar says that Jay Leno comes there to have gay bathroom sex; Jay Leno yells "Get off me!" (off-screen), and rushes out of the men's room. A gay couple imply that they will have contortionist sex when they go home. A teddy bear asks a man if he brings chicks to his office and the man replies, "What do you think?" After a year of marriage, a teddy bear and his human wife want a baby, but the teddy bear has no reproductive system so they search for a sperm donor. A teddy bear marries a woman and talks to a male human friend about the man's divorce six month's previously, suggesting that he find a new woman. A teddy bear curses and says that he has found thousands of files of pornography on his friend's laptop; we see nothing except a few icons of manila folders in the corner of a computer screen as the bear blocks the rest of it. A man holds his cell phone up to friend and says, "Look at this [anatomical term deleted]" and the scene ends; we do not see the face of the phone. A running joke in the film is that any Google search brings up a question referring to genitals.

VIOLENCE/GORE 5 - A janitor kidnaps a sentient teddy bear and tapes it to a metal table, sticks a wide knife into its abdomen (no bodily fluids are seen) and another man storms in and punches the janitor to the floor; the janitor recovers, runs out to a convention floor and cuts a cable that releases a large model of a starship that hits the other man, who pushes the teddy bear out of the way (a tall display unit falls on the man's chest and he is unconscious). In a hospital bed an unconscious man wears a finger clip for blood pressure readings and we see the unit flatline and hear it beep; a medical team runs in and tells visitors to go outside where they wait until the doctor goes to them in several hours and says the man is dead; when the friends go into the room, a teddy bear cries over the man, who jumps up and says, "Gotcha!"
 After end credits, a man returns a box of Trix cereal to a grocery store, limping and displaying a bruised and bleeding face; he was beaten by law enforcement for trying to eat the "cereal for kids." A man, a woman and a teddy bear throw apples at joggers from a high rooftop and a jogger runs into the street to shout when a cyclist runs him down; the men lie in the street (no blood is shown) and the people on the rooftop laugh. A teddy bear throws a rock at a car and shatters the side windows. A teddy bear drives and throws a large cup of soda out a window onto the windshield of another car, causing it to swerve and turn spin out on the highway. A teddy bear shoots a rifle off-screen with a loud boom and shouts off-screen that its nose came off (we never see any damage). Two tall men at ComicCon assault a number of smaller men, tripping them, knocking food out of their hands, throwing cups of soda in their faces and calling them "nerds." A man jumping rope stops and punches another man unconscious at a wedding reception, then jumps through a glass window with loud shattering.
 A woman and her sentient teddy bear husband fight and shout at home, throwing things and upturning a table (no one is hurt). A man and a teddy bear smash a laptop in an alley with a large hammer and a crow bar; they then toss it into the Boston Harbor (please see the Sex/Nudity category for more details). A woman underneath her desk hits her head and shouts in pain. A man puts his foot on top of a glass coffee table as a footrest and it shatters loudly. A man and a teddy bear throw cereal pieces across a diner into a man's buttock cleavage; the man stands and shouts until we understand that he is blind and accepts a ploy that the cereal was thrown by a toddler. A man cuts the wires on an A/C unit and it sparks and sputters. A man falls off a balcony and breaks a deck chair, but is OK; a man on the balcony throws a teddy bear at the other man, who catches it.
 A teddy bear drives a car with two sleeping human passengers and he swerves, runs off the road, speeds down a forested hill and slams into the upper part of a barn wall, where the car hangs until it is recovered the next day and the man throws a heavy can at the bear, knocking it off a bale of straw.
 A teddy bear draws the misspelled word PENUS on a woman's forehead. A woman tries to persuade a man and a teddy bear to use a penis-shaped bong and they refuse; the bear becomes startled by it later and throws it off-screen. A man tells another man, "I hope your kids get bird flu." A janitor tells his boss that he changed the cakes in the urinals of the men's room.
 A doctor shows a woman an X-ray of her reproductive system in which the ovaries and uterus are all black; he tells her that because of alcohol and drug use, she is infertile, and that he threw up when he first saw the X-ray. A man says that a teddy bear coughed up cotton pieces on a little girl (didn't happen).

PROFANITY 10 - About 100 F-words and its derivatives, 44 sexual references, 57 scatological terms, 30 anatomical terms, 32 mild obscenities, 3 derogatory terms for African-Americans applied to Caucasians, 7 derogatory terms for homosexuals, name-calling (crazy, insane, weird, retarded, goon monster, monsters, soccer mom, loser, broken-condom, idiots, stupid, liars, pop culture illiterate, smart [anatomical term deleted], sad [anatomical term deleted], jack [anatomical term deleted], Justin Beiber, Elizabeth Taylor, A-Rod, Harrison Ford, Non Dick Bong, Boston whore, Golem, spaz, nerds), stereotypical references to businessmen, civil rights attorneys, judges, doctors, infertile couples, Broadway shows, Fox News panelists, African Americans, Whites, Italians, bigots, drug abusers, cheap women, janitors, ComicCon fans, old superheroes, homosexual couples, teenagers in The Breakfast Club, Disney princesses, exclamations (shut-up, geez), 8 religious profanities (GD), 49 religious exclamations (e.g. Oh My God, My God, Oh God, God, A Gift From God, Thank God, Honest To God, I Swear To God, Sweet God Mother Of Jesus, For God's Sake, Jesus Christ, Jesus, Holy [scatological term deleted], For Christ's Sake). [profanity glossary]

SUBSTANCE USE - A man and a teddy bear talk many times about using drugs and smoking bongs as well as getting high in the past, a woman smokes from a bong and we later see a man and the woman along with a teddy bear smoke from a bong, a woman says the war on drugs is a joke and only an excuse to jail minorities, several people smoke a bong in a law school library and we see large clouds of smoke, a man smokes a marijuana strain called Here Comes Autism and Can You Help Me Get Home, after smoking marijuana in two scenes a man becomes paranoid and we see him clinging to walls and crying as a woman walks him home, a man and a woman find a field filled with high-grade hybrid marijuana and cry for joy as the theme from "Jurassic Park" plays, a teddy bear eats a large leaf of marijuana, a teddy bear lights and smokes a bong in the back seat of a car, a doctor tells a woman that she is infertile because of drug and alcohol abuse, a teddy bear lights and smokes a large marijuana cigarette in bed, a teddy bear lights and smokes a marijuana cigarette while driving a car (please see the Violence/Gore category for more details), a pastor at a wedding says that he did a line of cocaine in the men's room, an aging superhero says that he did a lot of blow in the 1980s and has a sperm count now of only "1," a doctor in a hospital room calls for 1mg epinephrine (we do not see it), and an IV line runs into the arm of a patient. A small bar shows men and women at tables with cocktails and bottles of beer (no one is shown drinking), a man sits with a teddy bear at a bar and the man drinks from a beer bottle while the bear sits in front of a glass of whiskey and Coke, a bear orders a second drink at a bar and the bartender declines (because it's closing time), a wedding reception sequence shows glasses of cocktails and beer bottles at tables (no one is seen drinking), a teddy bear carries a beer bottle, a man and a teddy bear fist fight over the last beer bottle and the bear shakes it up causing it to explode with foam when the man opens it, men hold bottles and cups of beer and other alcohol at a bachelor's party (no one is shown drinking), and a man says an unconscious teddy bear is drunk.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Sentience, humanity, property, civil rights, friendship, loyalty, challenges, sacrifice, relationships, love, marriage, infertility, parenthood, respect, trust, justice, drug abuse.

MESSAGE - All minorities and sentient beings deserve the same civil rights.

Special Keywords: S6 - V5 - P10 - MPAAR

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