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Sex Tape [2014] [R] - 9.4.10

 
 

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ASSIGNED NUMBERS

Unlike the MPAA we do not assign one inscrutable rating based on age, but 3 objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE and PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10, from lowest to highest, depending on quantity and context.

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Sex & Nudity
Violence & Gore
Profanity
1 to 10

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A suburban couple (Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel) have a happy life with their young children, until they discover that a private sex tape they made has disappeared. They find it on a cloud network and fear their children and the neighbors will see it if they cannot think of a way to remove it. Also with Rob Corddry, Ellie Kemper, Rob Lowe, Nat Faxon and Jack Black. Directed by Jake Kasdan. [1:35]

SEX/NUDITY 9 - In flashbacks, we see a man and a woman early in their dating relationship and marriage: Under a college dorm blanket, we see arms and legs as they thrust violently, and in another scene, shoulders, arms and his back are visible as they begin to kiss and a female voiceover says they left the door open (we see a male college student stop to watch with wide eyes) and the woman gets up from bed and runs to the bathroom (we see full back nudity and the side of one breast); in an outdoor scene, she is wearing a cheerleader uniform, straddles his lap while he appears clothed and seated against a tree while she moves up and down and her full legs to the thighs are seen; in two bed scenes, the man and the woman are seen covered except shoulders and arms, and we see a bulge at his groin area (we do not see genitals) that we hear is an erection (a female voiceover says erections were everywhere when they dated); several scenes include the man and the woman with bare thighs and legs, thrusting together while sitting in bed (wearing long shirts), and in a closer shot in which he is standing bare-chested and she is apparently on her head and we see her feet in the air below his chin. A pregnant woman in bed lies with her exposed large belly toward the camera with the rest of her body covered in clothing or a quilt; her husband lies behind her and says he is placing his penis into the body and the scene ends.
 A man arrives home after work and finds his wife standing in a doorway wearing a nearly transparent off-shoulder blouse, skimpy bikini panties and roller skates (we see her shoulders, arms, nipples, breasts, stomach and legs to the thighs); the clothed husband pulls his wife off their bed by an ankle accidentally and she hits her bottom on the floor hard, grunting in pain; they laugh and try to kiss, but their teeth keep hitting together, then the camera cuts to their bare legs (with thrusting) sticking out of the bathroom on the floor and then to her face as she grimaces on the floor and says everything hurts; the camera cuts to the couple, nude, with her straddling his lap on the couch and we see bare backs, his bare chest and both sets of bare thighs; the man touches her breasts (we cannot see them) and we see him in full back nudity with thighs/buttocks shown as he walks into a bathroom. At night, we see a car rocking with its windows fogged and we see some vague leg movement and a man off-screen says, "They're having sex." A man and a woman kiss at a 4th grade graduation ceremony and say, "I love you" to each other.
 A man and a woman use a flash drive to view their sex tape and we see their wildly grimacing faces; the nude man is shown with his back to the camera as he does a headstand, spreads his legs and his wife kneels in front of him with her mouth open (oral sex is implied, we do not see it). From the back in two scenes, we see a wife's back, buttocks and thighs as she does a sitting front flip off a table supposedly onto the husband's penis, as he lies on a mat. We see a husband and his wife nude in two scenes, sitting on a couch with ice packs on their genitals; in one scene, his legs are crossed and we see his chest, arms, shoulders, and shins while she holds her arms over her breasts, hands holding a large ice bag at her crotch with legs spread; in the other scene, the positions are reversed, but her arms cover her breasts as well and another scene shows a side view of the two nudes with her breasts obscured by her arms as she places a safety razor between his legs and the scene ends. In another scene, he stands before the camera, nude except for a Roman soldier's belt and long genital cover as he sings about baseball. A husband and his wife decide to perform all of the sex positions illustrated in the 1972 book "The Joy of Sex": we see a few rough line drawings in the book of a man and a woman having sex with their legs wound around in various positions and hear the man and woman remarking about "big bushes" and we hear that they make a three-hour sex tape.
 A man looks at a porn website and finds small pictures of naked breasts and female buttocks that we also see; one small picture shows a woman with a breast pulled out of the top of her bra and pointed at a bald man's face. A man looks at a tablet that we hear is loaded with a sex tape (we do not see it) and his eyes widen as he says, "Whoooooo!" A man pretends that he has diarrhea in order to search the bathroom and other rooms of a mansion for a tablet; he finds a long two-headed sex aid in a nightstand drawer and waves the squishy appliance at a large dog to keep the dog away. A child inadvertently begins to play a video file of his parents' sex tape at his 4th grade graduation, but his dad jumps onto the laptop (please see the Violence/Gore category for more details) before the film begins.
 A husband learns that he accidentally uploaded the footage of the sex film he and his wife made to a cloud online storage service and that others emailed it to thousands of other people; his wife wails, "They're going to see what we did with the salami!" and when she hears that the mailman has seen the footage, she slaps her husband multiple times on the shoulder. A man and a woman ask another couple if they made a sex tape and the husband in the second couple asks, "Did you watch it?"; the first man says no, but they'd like to and the second man refuses to show it to him; later, the first man asks incredulously, "Who has sex for three hours?" A woman screams in labor in close-up and her husband walks to a point between her legs, facing the camera, wide-eyed, and says, "That is one versatile hole!" The woman says in voiceover that after two children and busy lives, she and her husband have lost their desire and their alone-time for sex. A woman and her fiancé tell her parents they are pregnant and the woman's father laughs and says, "Well, goodbye sex!" In another scene, the woman says that TIVO was invented so that people will have time for sex. A man says that his wife texts pictures of her breasts to him and he texts pictures of his penis or his testicles to her. A man and a woman say they are as good at sex as pro basketball players are at their sport and she says he is like a battering ram under the blankets. A pornographic website owner tells a couple that people make and send him 1,000 sex tapes daily because their relationships have become boring and are in danger of ending; he names several celebrity couples as examples and names several porn sites as his wife stands beside him wearing a short skirt that reveals over half of her bare thighs. A man mentions a sexually suggestive film title and song title.
 Several scenes feature a man and a woman wearing underwear; we see the man's bare arms when he is shown wearing a T-shirt and legs bare to the thigh once in close-up; the woman is shown wearing a tank top and bikini panties that reveal shoulders, arms, cleavage and legs to the hip. A man shows a bare chest, arms, and shoulders and a woman shows bare shoulders in a bathroom scene. In another scene, a man wears a sleeveless undershirt that bares his arms and shoulders and the shirt clings to his chest. A woman wears a scoop-necked dress that reveals moderate cleavage. A man and a woman each say that he or she used to watch porn films and occasionally still do.

VIOLENCE/GORE 4 - A man looking for a tablet runs through a mansion, chased by an angry dog that growls, bares teeth, bites him on the calf (no blood) and chases him up a library ladder; the man strikes the dog unconscious on the head with a book and the dog revives and runs to the gym, where it is thrown from a fast moving treadmill, striking the wall hard and passing out; the man thinks the dog is dead, but it revives and chases the man off-screen, growling and barking until we see the dog and the man fall to the ground in a large foyer and we hear two thuds-- the dog is uninjured, but the man has bloody bite marks on his face and a ripped and bloody shirt at the shoulders (he limps like Frankenstein's monster).
 A man jumps from the balcony of a school auditorium to land on top of a laptop computer on a table that breaks and we hear that he goes to a hospital and at home, and we see that he has an arm in a sling and one leg in a cast from foot to thigh; he limps outside with a cane and has an argument with a neighbor boy. Late at night, a man drives into the garage door of a pornography company; he and his family enter the place after he tells the kids they are playing a game called Breaking and Entering and they each hold baseball bats or crowbars; the man beats a computer server with a ball bat, sounding alarms and bringing forth the owner and his crew; the owner wants to beat the man up, but after an argument, he settles for $15,000 to pay for damages.
 A man and a woman argue loudly several times about a sex tape they made and about their marriage. A pre-teen blackmails a man and we hear that he saw the man's sex tape; he demands $25,000 from the man, who shouts in anger and the boy threatens to email the video file to large numbers of people, but the man still refuses to pay the money.
 A man and a woman slam their laptop shut, hammer a flash drive to pieces, set it on fire, grind it in a blender and then bury it (please see the Sex/Nudity category for more details).
 A man shows a woman a patterned tattoo in the small of his back and on his stomach area. Disney posters around a man's mansion have the man's face painted over the characters' faces.
 We hear that a little girl sticks her finger in to her rectum often and she waves her finger at her brother, but we see no feces.

PROFANITY 10 - About 63 F-words and its derivatives, 15 sexual references, 21 scatological terms, 25 anatomical terms, 6 mild obscenities, name-calling (crazy, insane, idiot, dummy, weirdo, freak show, Scar Face, Nostracockus), stereotypical references to married couples in their 30s, mothers, fathers, modern kids, drug users, basketball players, toy company executives, pornography company owners, digital natives, digital immigrants, exclamations (shut-up), 2 religious profanities (GD), 15 religious exclamations (e.g. Oh My God, Oh God, God, Jesus, Jeez, Holy [scatological term deleted], Jesus Christ, Jesus). [profanity glossary]

SUBSTANCE USE - A man and a potential female employee discuss using cocaine (calling it blow) and he talks about lines and rails of coke, a woman agrees to use a drug with a man and the camera cuts to the man and the woman as they sit up from snorting a line of cocaine (we don't see it) and he becomes more talkative and she speaks in a fast and high voice while twirling her hair and waving her hands, a husband tells his wife that she is a lightweight when it comes to cocaine and she says she needs to do more cocaine, and a man gives a woman a golden cocaine snorting straw as a gift. Two men and two women drink wine at dinner, two men and two women drink wine in a home, a man and a woman drink Scotch in a mansion, wine bottles are seen on a folding table at a child's 4th grade graduation party, and a husband and his wife make a sex tape with the help of a bottle of Tequila and they drink two shots each and then the wife says she needs to be drunker (implying further drinking that we do not see).

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Marriage, families, children, relationships, love, pornography, technology, communication, digital dirt.

MESSAGE - Couples should take time for themselves away from their children; better not make a sex tape.

Special Keywords: S9 - V4 - P10 - MPAAR

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