Miss March [2009] [R] - 8.5.10

 
 

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ASSIGNED NUMBERS

Unlike the MPAA we do not assign one inscrutable rating based on age, but 3 objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE and PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10, from lowest to highest, depending on quantity and context.

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Sex & Nudity
Violence & Gore
Profanity
1 to 10

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On the night of their high school prom, a young man (Zach Cregger) and his long-time girlfriend (Raquel Alessi) agree to have sex for the first time, but he doesn't make the rendezvous after he falls down a flight of stairs and ends up in a coma for four years. When he awakes he travels across the country to find her in the Playboy mansion, and he wants to find out why she left him. Also with Molly Stanton, Holly Hindman, Craig Robinson, Trevor Moore, Sara Jean Underwood and Hugh Hefner. Directed by Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore. [1:31]

SEX/NUDITY 8 - Two women kiss passionately in the back seat of a car, they remove their clothing (we see them in bras and later one is bare breasted), and they have sex in different positions and using various objects (a bottle is shown once) for an extended period of time; we hear moaning and we see thrusting while two men watch.
 A woman does a sexually suggestive dance around a pole while a man watches, she unfastens her dress to reveal bra and panties, she rubs against the man, she moves down below his waist and begins to perform oral sex on him, off screen (whereupon he moans and then screams; please see the Violence/Gore category for more details).
 Two men pull down another man's pants and we see his scrotum but he no penis: there are two small straws instead and one drips urine. A woman takes a man to a room to have sex with him, she sits on a bed, she licks her fingers suggestively, and she pulls down her top revealing her bare breasts and bare abdomen (please see the Violence/Gore category for more details). Several women wear short shorts and skimpy tops that reveal cleavage, bare abdomens, bare backs and part of their bare buttocks; a couple of them are topless and their bare breasts are visible. Many women wearing skimpy outfits are shown in a few scenes and several are topless and have their bare breasts painted (the outline of their nipples is visible).
 A man's hospital gown blows open revealing his bare buttocks, back and legs and a glimpse of pubic hair is visible between his legs. A man pulls out the waistband of his pants and a woman looks down his pants. A woman wears a corset, panties and stockings that reveal cleavage, bare shoulders and thighs. A woman wears an extremely low-cut dress that reveals cleavage in a couple of scenes. A woman wears a low-cut top that reveals cleavage. A young woman wears a tank top that reveals cleavage and bare shoulders.
 A music video contains repeated lyrics about anal and oral sex and we see several women dancing with a man, who's making sexual gestures including spraying a champagne bottle's contents on their buttocks.
 A young woman holding an article of clothing over her bare breasts (we see part of her bare back), stands up through a car's sunroof and spits something out onto the car (it is implied that she has just performed oral sex on a man). A man taking photographs in a department store unbuttons a woman's top and adjusts her breasts while her husband and children look on in dismay.
 Two women kiss passionately and caress each other. A man kisses a woman on the neck and caresses her clothed hips and buttocks. A man and a woman kiss in a few scenes. A woman uses her tongue to unlock a door (it looks sexually suggestive).
 A man tells two women to have sex with another man and one woman approaches him (he declines the invitation). A woman makes a remark about almost biting another woman's labia. A young woman tries to convince her boyfriend to have sex with her. Two young men talk about one of them having sex for the first time, in a couple of scenes. A man has a nightmare about a woman telling him that she had sex with many men. A young man and a young woman talk to middle school aged children about abstinence and tell them a story about a young couple that had sex while in high school, became pregnant and exchanged a venereal disease. A man tells another man, in graphic detail, that he head sex with his girlfriend. A boy watches a girl play softball and makes crude remarks about her buttocks and what kind of sex acts he'd like her to perform on him. A young man makes a comment about a young woman's breasts being the same size as a woman featured in a pornographic magazine and that it must mean that she would look the same nude. We are told that a man was born with no genitalia and that he urinates through a straw. A man makes a remark about "watching naked ladies take baths together."
 A man looks at a pornographic magazine called "Butt Girls" and we see a woman on the cover wearing a thong that reveals her bare buttocks. On the back cover of a pornographic magazine, we see a woman seated provocatively on a man's lap. Two boys find a Playboy magazine (we see the cover with not much detail shown) and look at it, remarking about the female body and trying to figure out how women urinate. A man looks at Playboy magazines in several scenes (we see women on the covers in a couple of scenes and they are clothed in skimpy outfits). A man holds an inflatable sex doll. A man has two rubber breasts with clearly defined nipples hanging from his rear view mirror.

VIOLENCE/GORE 5 - A woman performing oral sex on a man has an epileptic seizure, she bites his genitals, he screams and tries to free himself (we see the woman swinging back and forth), and he picks up a fork and stabs her in the face (we hear a crunch and see the bloody prong marks on her face later).
 A man hits another man in the head hard with a baseball bat, the man screams and we see blood on his face and mouth. A man strikes a woman in the head twice with a baseball bat (we see a cut and a bit of blood on her nose).
 A young man falls down a flight of stairs, lands on the floor below, a tool box falls from a book shelf and lands on his head and the shelf then falls on him (we see bruising on his head and face and we are told he is in a coma for four years).
 A young woman attacks a young man and holds him on the ground after he makes a sexual remark. A woman grabs a man's crotch and squeezes (we hear a crunch and he grimaces). A man is restrained, shoved into a chair and punched in the face several times; we see blood on his nose and mouth and his eye becomes bruised.
 Firefighters on fire trucks chase two men in a car, the firefighters spray water and then strike the car with an axe, one firefighter jumps onto the hood of the car, the driver slams on the brakes and the firefighter is thrown onto the street. Firefighters chase two men in a car, they throw axes at the car, and one hits the car in the back and another hits the passenger door (we see the blade cut through the door and nearly strike the passenger in the leg.
 A man throws a rock through a window and climbs into another man's hospital room, removes the man from his bed, wheels him outside, down a flight of stairs and the man is slammed into the side of the car.
 A man crashes a car twice while watching two women have sex in the back seat of the car (no one is injured). Two men are carried out of a party and thrown on the ground. Two men are thrown out of a bus and onto the side of the road.
 A woman is thrown out a bus window when the bus swerves and hits a bump (we see her in a hospital bed later).
 A man slaps another man in the face and then inadvertently defecates (we hear flatulent noises and a splat). A man falls out of his hospital bed, struggles to stand up and defecates on the floor (we see loose feces spray on the floor). A man lies on his hospital bed on his stomach and a nurse washes him down after he defecated on himself (we see stained and soaked linens and towels). A dog urinates into a woman's drink and the woman drinks it, not knowing. A man inadvertently defecates three times, we hear flatulent noises and a splat with each occurrence and we see feces in two scenes.
 A man is held down while another man raises an axe (suggesting he will cut off his head but he does not). A man throws a dog over a stone wall (we do not see or hear anything else).
 A man says he wants to rip off another man's face and have sex with it (using crude terms). A woman tells a man "You're a dead man." A remark is made about a young man "eating his own feces."
 A man lights a pipe and sets a hotel on fire (we see the building engulfed in flames). A man accidentally sprays gasoline on the ground and himself while trying to put gas in a car. Children in an audience are frightened when an image of a venereal disease infection is shown on a large screen of (they scream).

PROFANITY 10 - About 50 F-words and its derivatives, 48 sexual references, 21 scatological terms (6 mild), 67 anatomical terms (1 in Spanish, not translated), 15 mild obscenities, name-calling (retarded, stupid, crazy), 1 religious profanities, 12 religious exclamations. [profanity glossary]

SUBSTANCE USE - Two men smoke marijuana. A man and two young women drink alcohol and the man smokes a cigar, people smoke and drink alcohol on a bus, two young men drink shots of whiskey, two men drink shots of alcohol, a man and a woman drink wine with dinner (the man says that they got very drunk), a woman drinks from a glass that a dog urinated in, a woman drinks a glass of champagne, and a man tries to give a dog a beer. A man lights a pipe.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Abstinence, love, relationships, pornography, epilepsy, sexually transmitted diseases, virginity, friendship, disappointment, abandonment, loneliness, homosexuality.

MESSAGE - When you find your special partner, hold onto them.

Special Keywords: S8 - V5 - P10 - MPAAR

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A CAVEAT: We've gone through several editorial changes since we started covering films in 1992 and some of our early standards were not as stringent as they are now. We therefore need to revisit many older reviews, especially those written prior to 1998 or so; please keep this in mind if you're consulting a review from that period. While we plan to revisit and correct older reviews our resources are limited and it is a slow, time-consuming process.




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