Meet the Spartans [2008] [PG-13] - 7.7.5

 
 

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ASSIGNED NUMBERS

Unlike the MPAA we do not assign one inscrutable rating based on age, but 3 objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE and PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10, from lowest to highest, depending on quantity and context.

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Sex & Nudity
Violence & Gore
Profanity
1 to 10

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A spoof of the hit movie "300," which was about the ancient Battle of Thermopylae, where a small contingent of Greeks fought a much larger Persian army. With Sean Maguire, Diedrich Bader, Kevin Sorbo, Martin Klebba, Jim Piddock, Method Man, Tony Yalda, Carmen Electra and Kenneth Davitian. Directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. [1:24]

SEX/NUDITY 7 - A wife asks her husband "you wanna do it?" he agrees and we see them in what looks like the throes of passion and we hear them moaning; we then see him bench pressing her (no sex).
 A man kisses another man on the mouth, the recipient complains, then looks around to see men hold and caressing each other and he comments about a "free society." A man and a woman kiss and we see their tongues. A man licks a woman's face, then the side of her mouth and then inside a nostril. Two masked warriors act like they are kissing (one's tongue sticks out from his mask). A woman makes sexual gestures to a man with her mouth and we later see them kissing passionately, until her husband sees them.
 Two dogs have sex (we see one mounting the other from the back and thrusting).
 There are several instances where women wear short skirts and they either inadvertently or on purpose part their legs to reveal upper thigh and their crotch -- in each shot the area is blurred and details are not discernable. We see a close-up of a man's genitals wrapped in cloth dangling from underneath a chair (there's no detail; please see the Violence/Gore category for more details). A woman pulls off her skirt to reveal large, nude buttocks. A woman wearing a low-cut and short dress that reveals cleavage and bare thighs licks a lollipop seductively and dances while a man watches with interest; she then invites him to sign her chest, he does, and she then lifts her skirt to reveal a chastity belt. Scantily clad women stand in a room and we see several holding and caressing each other. A woman lies nude on a massage table (we see her with cucumber slices over eyes, tomato slices over her nipples and a slice of pizza on her crotch) and a man enters the room and says, "nice tomatoes." A nude man stands in a doorway (we see his bare buttocks, back and legs and his chest from the front), women outside look at him, laugh and make disparaging remarks about his endowment (when the camera pans down we see a bulge similar to a doll's, without detail or form). Two women wearing thong bikinis (cleavage and buttocks are visible) dance on a stage. A man's shorts fall down and we see him wearing an adult diaper. An overweight man with many rolls of fat is shown nearly nude in many scenes (we see his bare chest, abdomen and legs, and chains and rings dangle around his body). Several men pull down their pants to reveal bare buttocks (they appear to be covered with hair or dirt, although it is not clear). A woman wears a short top and short skirt that reveal cleavage, bare abdomen and bare thighs. Many men wear small leather loincloth-type shorts throughout the movie (they are bare-chested). We see bare baby buttocks as they are stamped after inspection.
 Men make lewd and crude remarks to a woman as she walks toward them moving suggestively; the men throw money at her, and she stuffs it in the front of her dress. A man holds a leaf blower between his legs and a woman blows him a kiss. A woman caresses a spear seductively.
 A man caresses another man's shoulder and plays with his hair, and the other man appears uncomfortable. Men hold hands, skip and sing. Two male dead bodies lie on top of each other, one with its face in the other's crotch and vice versa. A man looks at another man carrying a box, he says, "he has a huge package" and asks yet another man for an introduction.
 A blind man squeezes the clothed breasts of a woman in order to identify her.
 A man looks at a woman's cleavage, she lowers her dress (we see bare shoulders), he makes a sexual remark about having E.D., and she says she has a sexually transmitted disease (we see small crabs walking on a pair of panties).
 A man describing military tactics says, "we'll take them in the rear and then come around and take them from the front"; people listening laugh because of the sexual suggestion. A husband tells his wife that she should move on if he dies, he says he'd "play the field" if she died and that he has always wanted to have sex with a heavy set woman (he uses crude terms). A man says of another man: "he has nice man boobs." An infant ogre talks about wanting to "suckle a teat."

VIOLENCE/GORE 7 - A man punches another man's head off (we see the head separate and the body collapses to the ground).
 A man slides along the ground on his arms, and his head hits the ground and his neck snaps (we hear a crunch and see the neck separate, with red blood and tissue); he then stands up pushes his head forward and we hear a loud snap and he's fine.
 A man is stabbed through the back by a spear, he falls to the ground, he coughs goo out of his mouth and we see the point of the spear sticking out of his chest (he dies).
 Armies fight with spears and swords, we hear crunching and see people being stabbed (there's no blood).
 A man is strapped into a chair and is struck twice in the genitals with a heavy rope knot, and then bitten in the genitals by a dog (we hear crunching and the man yells).
 A "Grand Theft Auto" sequence is played out with a man beating another man with a crowbar, and he then picks up two automatic rifles and shoots several people.
 A penguin becomes wedged between two rocks and a man stabs it through the head with a spear (we see the scene in silhouette).
 A man has scratches across his eyes and he is missing his eyeballs (we see empty holes through to the scenery behind him). A man pulls on a chain attached to a nipple ring, the ring pulls off along with his nipple, and he then staples the nipple back with a staple gun.
 A man head-butts his young son, gives him a pile driver (we hear his neck crack) and then jumps on top of him and strikes him in the back of the head with a wooden plank. An elderly woman strikes a boy, the boy falls down, the boy punches the woman in the face and we see her dentures fly out of her mouth. A man punches a boy in the face (he falls to the ground). A woman punches a man in the face (we hear a crunch). A woman is given a very rough massage, we hear crunching and we see the masseuse jumping on top of her.
 A woman becomes angry, black slime begins to cover her body, she punches and kicks a man, he turns into a pile of sand, a cat defecates on the pile, the man is shown with feces on his face, and he is then vacuumed into a vacuum cleaner. A man is stabbed in the forehead with a hypodermic needle labeled Botox and falls back onto the ground.
 A man kicks three people into the "Pit of Death," then a woman holding an infant, and a man falls in after being kicked in the groin; another man jumps in. Many people are forced to jump off a high cliff and into water below.
 A man flips a switch labeled "garbage disposal," we hear people screaming and see them swirling around in a pit. Two armies charge toward each other, crash together and fall to the ground.
 A man transforms into a robot, and it is tripped and falls to the ground crushing many men under it -- we see many bodies later.
 A man with a sword jumps into the air, is in mid-air for a while, and then crashes into a rock wall (he slides down the wall moaning). A woman is struck in the head with a large shield (she falls to the ground). A man holds a sword to a man's throat.
 We see a pile of human skulls and we hear that imperfect babies were thrown away; a man examines an infant then dropkicks it into the pile of skulls.
 During a battle scene, a man tears a man's shirt open and pinches his nipples; then he pulls the underwear of another man and throws him through the air. A woman is struck in the head by a laptop thrown by a man (she falls to the ground unconscious).
 A man trips and falls on the ground. A blind man punches a man standing near him and then walks into a rock wall. A man with a fire extinguisher puts out a flaming skeleton.
 A penguin jumps on a man, knocks him to the ground, sits on his face, flatulates in his face and then defecates in his face (we see goo and hear noises). A man has open wounds on his face that spurt blood. We see three people with badly deformed facial features and skin, and with discolored eyes and teeth. A woman has a malformed hand and a large hump on her back. A man with a dagger pierces a large hump on a woman's back and is blown through the air by the torrent of pus that explodes out of it. A man drinks from a cup and a woman tells him, "that's my urine sample" (he then spits). An infant ogre vomits green slime on a man's face. A woman sneezes and mucus blows on another person's face. A woman pulls off her skirt to reveal large, pimple-covered, nude buttocks. A man has large pimples on his face. A man spits in a man's eye while speaking. A man blows steam out of his ears.
 A man is told that if he fights a war he will die. A bare-chested man squats in the cold and talks about starvation. Several people tell crude "Yo mamma" jokes.

PROFANITY 5 - 1 F-word, 12 sexual references, 13 scatological terms (1 mild), 15 anatomical terms, 18 mild obscenities, name-calling (cracker, idiot, dumb, ugly), 1 religious exclamation. [profanity glossary]

SUBSTANCE USE - Men drink beer.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - The Battle of Thermopylae, King Leonidas, Sparta, the 300 Spartans, spoofs of popular movies.

MESSAGE - Successful movies often inspire spoofs, but not always humor.

Special Keywords: S7 - V7 - P5 - MPAAPG-13

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