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Fifty Shades of Black [2016] [R] - 10.5.10

 
 

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ASSIGNED NUMBERS

Unlike the MPAA we do not assign one inscrutable rating based on age, but 3 objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE and PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10, from lowest to highest, depending on quantity and context.

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Sex & Nudity
Violence & Gore
Profanity
1 to 10

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In this parody of "Fifty Shades of Grey" an inexperienced college student (Kali Hawk) meets a shady businessman (Marlon Wayans) whose sexual practices lead the couple to constant arguments. Also with Jane Seymour, Fred Willard, Affion Crockett and Mike Epps. Directed by Michael Tiddes. [1:32]

SEX/NUDITY 10 - A nude man lies on top of a woman on a couch and sings as he thrusts and she is clothed (we see cleavage) while we see the man fully nude in profile and when he stands up we see a three-foot-long penis that has a large diameter and some pubic hair); the man shouts in orgasm and another couple enters the room and the first man's large penis knocks over a wineglass.
 A man dances as a stripper in a women's club while wearing loose jeans and a T-shirt and women wearing low-cut dresses that reveal cleavage wave money at him; he rips off his shirt to reveal shoulders, arms, chest and back as he gyrates and he does a lap dance for a woman, whose belly balloons into a full-term pregnancy, and then hands her a large envelope marked "Child Support"; he slides across the floor and appears to perform oral sex on a woman, he collapses under her but apparently continues to perform oral sex (we cannot see it, because his face is on the outside of her wide skirt), then he jumps back on stage and rips off his trousers, twerking his behind at the audience and we see a thong with his erect penis pointing in different directions for a few seconds when he turns around; he rips the thong off to reveal a large amount of thick pubic hair, a small penis and long testicles as women laugh at him.
 At a large dinner gathering, a man ducks under a table and performs oral sex (implied) on a woman as she writhes and groans, gasps and begins to scream (the other diners ignore her); the man resurfaces and takes a large bottle of hot sauce under the table and the woman screams as the scene ends.
 A man sits on a couch and pulls his sweat pants down slightly to briefly reveal two hairy testicles the size of softballs, with veins visible. A man removes a woman's dress in several scenes and each time she is shown wearing a bra and panties set that is tight and reveals cleavage and bare midriff. Several scenes include women wearing very low-cut blouses or dresses that reveal cleavage. A women wears a T-shirt and short shorts that cover the upper quarter of her bare thighs.
 A woman bends a man over a table, locks his wrists in restraints and jams a stone phallus statue into his rectum as the screen goes black (the camera comes up on him in bed, clothed and crying). A female clerk in a hardware store licks and sucks a thick pencil as if it were a penis while groaning and gasping; a male customer walks by and we see an erection in his trousers.
 A man says to a woman, "I don't do romance. I [F-word deleted] hard and fast" as they get into a bed under sheets and we see their bare shoulders as he snaps on a condom below the frame, thrusts three times and shouts that he is climaxing, and then falls asleep and the woman looks disgusted. A man pretends to use a condom, making snapping sounds with his mouth, then stands behind a woman who is on her knees on a bed, wearing panties and a bra, and begins to thrust, and then grimaces quickly in orgasm, turns the woman over and gives her a Morning After Pill to prevent pregnancy (she chews it and says it tastes funny).
 An older woman wearing a floor-length opaque negligee forces a 16-year-old boy wearing a sleeveless undershirt and long boxer shorts to lie on top of her in a bed and thrust to a cadence that she claps with her hands (we do not see nudity); she slaps him in the head several times and says he is not good enough and when he stands up, crying we see six other young men seated in a row against a wall (four young men wear undershirts and two are shirtless, but they all wear long boxer shorts) as the woman calls, "Next!" and one young man approaches as the scene ends.
 A man and a woman in an elevator kiss passionately, he takes off her blouse and we see her wearing a tank top that reveals some cleavage as they snort and blubber while they lick each other's tongues and people at the elevator door stare disgusted; people get on the elevator and the man and woman continue kissing, gasping and grunting and one man looks at them and licks his lips. A man shaves a woman's very hairy thighs with shaving cream and a razor and kisses her navel, which protrudes substantially out of her belly and is pierced with diamonds; she says it is almost like a penis. A man removes a woman's panties as she lies on a bed and we see a second pair of panties, she then removes the second pair below the frame and smells them, shakes his hand and throws them onto a wall where they stick and then slide to the floor.
 A woman wiggles as she walks down a hallway and says to another woman that she is the boss' hot secretary who has sex with him; she breathes into the other woman's face and the second woman recoils at a bad smell as the first woman says that the odor is from a sex act with her boss several times a day. In a hallway while a woman watches, a man takes a large key and moves it in and out of a door lock hard and fast, groaning and grimacing; the woman fans herself as if sexually aroused.
 A man harasses a woman by inserting whispered sexual comments into their conversations, including: "I'd really love a hand job," "Did you just kiss me we're only friends, I'll [F-word deleted] you later," and so on. A man says to a woman, "We're friends with benefits" and licks her hand, but she pulls away and leaves. A woman lies on a couch with a large ice bag on her groin, thrusting her pelvis into the ice pack as she says that she has Chlamydia and can't wait to have sex with her boyfriend again. A woman says that she had oral sex on a sidewalk. A woman asks a man if he is gay and he replies that a person is not always gay if he enjoys performing oral sex on men (using crude terms). A woman says that she will provide oral sex even if a penis has 47 skin tags. A man says to a woman, "I want you to give yourself to me sexually. Your [unused genitals] are fermenting and spoiling" and describes what he does not want in crude terms. A man says that his fingers still carry the smell of the many women he has masturbated in his life and another man recoils in disgust at the smell of the fingers. A woman says that her mother was married eight times. A man points out eight men at a table who were married to a woman's mother and they all wave at the woman. A man says to a woman's date, "Just don't pass her around like we did her mother" and the date says he will not marry the woman, even if she gets pregnant. A woman tells a man that she will not share him with another woman and it has to be seven other women. A woman says that she wants seven children.

VIOLENCE/GORE 5 - A woman in her son's apartment tasers a woman, who shakes and grimaces, and then checks to see if she still has her wallet. A jogger steals an elderly woman's purse and pushes her away (she staggers backward), he steals a sports coat from a haberdashery and alarms sound as he runs out of the store, and he gets into an expensive sports car that is running and steals it. A man startles a woman in her bedroom by getting out of her clothes hamper; we see a broken window and a brick lying on the floor in shattered glass as the man and the woman argue about how he got into the room. A man smashes his date's face into a large plate of pie and hits her head with a rolled up newspaper (she looks disgusted, but unhurt). A man punches and kicks another man several times, spits on him (we hear it but do not see it), and walks away; the other man seems unhurt. A man lies in bed with a woman asleep on his arm, takes out a saw and begins to cut his arm off at the shoulder, but changes his mind and drops the saw. A woman slaps a man in the face and he falls down, unhurt.
 A woman tied to a table in a BSDM room with plastic ropes is blindfolded and she cries as a man reads "Fifty Shades of Grey" to her as if it is torture. A woman is tied to a table and a man water-boards her, demanding to know the whereabouts of Bin Laden, but lets her go; she gasps and says Bin Laden is already dead. A woman bends a man over a table, locks his wrists in restraints and uses a heavy braided belt to whip his backside hard, over a dozen times; we see her swinging the weapon in the background and his crying face in the foreground and she jams a stone phallus statue into his rectum as the screen goes black (the camera comes up on him in bed, clothed and crying). A man swings a riding crop in a large circle and then slaps it into the palm of a kneeling woman (wearing panties and a bra) who yelps and blows on her palm in pain. A man tickles a blindfolded woman with a peacock feather he has licked and she laughs. Hanging from a ceiling frame by her wrists, a man tickles a woman with his fingers and we see her underarm hair; the padlocks on her bindings won't unlock and several men are called in to open the locks, including a magician who gives up and disappears in the smoke of a smoke bomb; a welder in a mask uses a blow torch to cut the locks off. A man bends a woman over a table and swats her behind with a braided belt as she shouts in pain, gets up and pushes him away; she shouts, "I hate you!" three times. A man shouts at a woman, takes her inside a house to a couch, bends her over his lap, raises her skirt to reveal buttocks and panties and slaps her behind hard (she feels nothing); he stands and swats her behind hard with a shovel that rings on contact, a large fraternity paddle that breaks, and a wooden stool that breaks apart as she says she feels nothing since having butt implants.
 An elevator door closes on a woman's head several times and a man slaps his palm against her forehead to release her from the door and she yelps in pain after calling out, "That hurts!" An elevator door slams against a woman's head three times. A woman cannot open an office door, so she runs at it twice and falls to the floor as she hits it, but is uninjured; she runs again and as the door opens, she crashes head first into a pillar of large cubes and falls again, still unhurt. A man rubs a piece of ice on a woman's stomach and she kicks him into a wall, cracking it and knocking framed photos to the floor; he appears unhurt. A shoeless man walks across a wooden floor and falls, but is unhurt. A man backflips off a stage onto a small café table, breaking it to pieces and is unharmed.
 A bondage room includes a rack of Chinese martial arts weapons, a rack of riding crops, and a row of belts hanging on a wall. A man purchases cable ties, plastic rope, and duct tape in a hardware store and a female clerk says jokingly that he could be a serial killer; he then orders Aerospace-Pampers for driving long distances and says he is a stalker. A man and a woman argue about bondage acts and he says that he has lighter, furry whips that don't hurt as much. A woman cries in an elevator going down several floors.
 We see a man on an airplane using a barf bag; we hear retching, but see no vomit. A man licks a piece of toast all over and gives it to a woman, who refuses to eat it. A man bites a woman's lower lip, stretching it out several inches and releases it with a snap. A man tickles a woman's belly with a feather, lets a tarantula crawl on it and builds a Jenga puzzle on it. A woman looks into a mirror and it cracks loudly.

PROFANITY 10 - About 62 F-words and its derivatives, 3 obscene hand gestures, 24 sexual references, 30 scatological terms, 19 anatomical terms, 32 mild obscenities, 20 derogatory terms for African- Americans, name-calling (crazy, stupid, sick, sicko, crackhead, whore, drunken whore, gutter slut), exclamations (shut up, gosh), 3 religious profanities (GD), 21 religious exclamations (e.g. You need to find Jesus, Oh My God, Oh God, Jesus Christ, Holy [scatological term deleted], My God, God, Thank God, one prayer of "Thank you"). [profanity glossary]

SUBSTANCE USE - A man says that he made his wealth by drug dealing and smoked crack once to see what its effects are, and a woman asks another woman if she is using crack and she says no. A man dressed as a woman with a large behind opens a bottle of champagne and pours up and over his head and into a wine glass sitting on his behind, men and women at a club drink shots of clear liquor as well as bottles of beer and tall mixed drinks, a drunk woman makes a phone call and slurs her words, a bottle of wine is seen on a long table and guests drink from glasses of wine, a man holds a bottle of wine and a large wine glass (he does not open the bottle), a glass of wine is seen on a desk beside a man (he does not drink it), and two women drink wine at home.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Bondage/BSDM, crime, drug dealing, theft, physical and mental abuse, relationships, marriage, divorce, love, respect, family, adoption.

MESSAGE - People can learn to have healthy relationships without reading erotic novels.

Special Keywords: S10 - V5 - P10 - MPAAR

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