Epic Movie [2007] [PG-13] - 6.7.5

 
 

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ASSIGNED NUMBERS

Unlike the MPAA we do not assign one inscrutable rating based on age, but 3 objective ratings for SEX/NUDITY, VIOLENCE/GORE and PROFANITY on a scale of 0 to 10, from lowest to highest, depending on quantity and context.

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Sex & Nudity
Violence & Gore
Profanity
1 to 10

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A parody of many recent films, including "The Chronicles of Narnia," "Unfortunate Events," "Snakes on a Plane," "X-Men," "Harry Potter," "Borat," "Superman Returns," etc. The main plot thread concerns four orphans who visit a chocolate factory and are reunited in "Gnarnia," where they are forced to defend themselves against a cruel witch and her minions. With Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, Jennifer Coolidge, Jayma Mays and Faune Chambers. Directed by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer. [1:26]

SEX/NUDITY 6 - A woman seduces a young man, she pushes him onto a bed, they kiss and it is implied that they have sex.
 A woman grows larger breasts, larger buttocks, a unibrow and excess underarm skin at her lover's request, prior to them having sex (which is implied).
 A woman sucks on a young man's thumb (we hear squeaking) and we see that the appendage is quite swollen when she releases him.
 Two young women, a young man and an older man lie in bed together and it is implied that they have all had sex together.
 A faun and a beaver kiss in a few scenes and in one the faun pushes his tongue into the beaver's mouth.
 A young woman lies on top of a man in bed, she gets up and leaves when they are interrupted by others entering the room and he makes a comment about his just having taken Cialis.
 A woman wears skimpy patches that cover her breasts and genitals and the rest of her body is covered with blue paint (her blue-coated cleavage, abdomen and legs are visible in several scenes); she dances and moves suggestively while a young man looks on with interest.
 A young woman moves down, off screen, and it is implied that she is performing oral sex on a faun; however, we find out that she is actually polishing his hooves.
 Several women wearing skimpy bikinis dance, move suggestively and sing suggestive lyrics while carrying and eating bananas, hot dogs, etc.; two of the women kiss. A man wears a thong swimsuit that reveals his bare buttocks. A woman wearing a bikini steps out of a wardrobe. We see a woman's pregnant abdomen in a few scenes. A man wearing bikini underwear lies on a floor (his bare chest and legs are visible). A young man pulls off his shirt and stands bare-chested. A heavyset man runs bare-chested and his breasts bounce (we hear squishing with each bounce). A man's buttock cleavage is shown when his pants drop low in the back.
 A woman opens her dress in the direction of a young man, and we see her bare shoulders and his facial expression.
 A woman is bitten on her clothed nipples by two snakes and a man is bitten on his clothed crotch. A man caresses a young woman's clothed breast.
 There are a few references to humans having sex with animals and having offspring with traits from both (e.g. half goat, half lion, etc.).
 A woman jogging slows to slow motion while a young man watches with interest.
 A young woman polishes a doorknob and says that a man wanted her to.

VIOLENCE/GORE 7 - A young man is stabbed in the chest (we see a bloody spot on his sweater and he slumps to the ground). A man is stabbed in the stomach and he falls to the ground.
 A young woman is struck in the chest by an axe, another is struck by several arrows and a young man is stabbed in the stomach.
 Many men who have been "paused" mid-action are struck down by people with swords and arrows and a magic wand.
 A boy boxes a man's ears, slams him onto a table, pulls his arm until it snaps (we see bone poking through skin), and then slides him along the table until he crashes through a window and outside.
 A woman swings a spear in the air, a young man fights her with a sword, and he is stabbed in the stomach by the spear (we hear a squish).
 A young man is struck hard in the crotch by a sledgehammer and two balls fall into a tray (implied that they are his testicles, although we do see him later and he's fine).
 A man reaches under a surgical sheet and pulls a young woman's heart out (she falls unconscious and he holds the heart in the air although we do see her later and she's fine). A young woman touches her tongue on a frozen pole, she becomes stuck, a faun grabs her from the shoulders and pulls her off leaving her tongue still attached to the pole and flapping around.
 A man kicks a young woman's head off (we see it separate and land in a candy vat although we do see her later and she's fine).
 A man pulls a young man's tooth out and drops it in a box of candy.
 A man is shot repeatedly. An arrow is shot through a woman's neck. A man on a TV is shot repeatedly while re-enacting a scene from "Scarface."
 Two men fight with martial arts moves, many loud blows land, one is knocked down, and one breaks the other's neck (we hear a crunch).
 A man walking on a water wheel rolls over a woman and crushes her (we see her flattened dress lying on the ground).
 A man whips himself on the back (we see bloody slashes on his skin).
 A young woman with mutant powers touches another young woman, who falls over and off screen.
 Four young people are branded (we see the smoldering brand coming close to them and then see reddened skin on one of them).
 A woman swings a spear toward a man who screams and we are told that he is dead. Two young men fight with swords and several people are struck and they fall to the ground.
 A man uses a young man's wounded body to knock down two guards (the body is clearly a stuffed doll).
 A snake slithers toward a woman, then wraps around her legs, followed by many others that wrap around her shoulders and the people around her scream as each one is wrapped or bitten (we see a man with a snake biting his clothed crotch and a woman with two snakes hanging from her nipples).
 A woman is grabbed and thrown out of the plane (we hear her scream), and she crashes on top of a woman on a sidewalk crushing her (we see the body crumple and it is obvious that it is a stuffed doll). Four people are crushed by a rolling water wheel.
 A young man is nearly run down by a speeding sleigh.
 Four young people face a large army of men with weapons, and they charge each other.
 A young man is tasered, he falls to the ground and is tasered again. A woman zaps a man with her magic wand repeatedly causing him to be thrown through the air and crash to the ground.
 A young woman pushes her way through a wardrobe, she walks into a sheet of plastic that sticks to her face, she struggles to breathe, breaks free and is struck by several tree branches before she stumbles and falls on the snow-covered ground.
 A man jumps toward a woman, she ducks and he crashes into a vending machine. A young man is struck hard on the head by a locker door and he falls to the floor.
 A man lies on the floor with a star carved on his chest (it looks raised and is red) and it is implied that he is dying.
 A young man punches another young man in the stomach and face, and then a young woman punches a young woman in the stomach and strikes a young man in the head with a lamp. A young man is punched in the groin (he falls to his knees). A man is struck in the head by a computer that a woman has thrown. A man is struck in the face by a bottle that shatters, and a man is struck over the head with a bottle that shatters. A man is struck on the head with a cauldron.
 A young man shoves another young man against a locker and calls him names.
 A man tells four young men and women that a piece of them will be removed and put into a candy.
 A man asks a woman to spank him repeatedly with a paddle. A young woman kicks a beaver out of a window, and a young woman kicks a beaver, right into a tree.
 A young woman opens the door to a wardrobe and many things fall on top of her, knocking her to the floor.
 A woman wears a scarf made of fox fur and we see many pairs of eyes on it. A young man sprouts blades from his hands when he becomes angry. A young man pulls off his shirt and sprouts chicken wings on his back. A woman's head turns into a squid, its tentacles writhe around and play an organ, and the woman pulls the squid off her head, throws it at a man and it sticks on his face.
 A man serves a plate containing a dead cat to a young man to eat (flies buzz around the carcass). A man sneezes on a man, splattering him with green goo. A young woman has severe acne and one pimple erupts onto another young woman. A woman has very hairy legs and she scratches them aggressively in one scene.
 Four elderly people urinate in the snow, one remarks about seeing a little blood (we see blood and urine stained snow), one picks up a fur coat that was buried under the snow and another puts it on (still covered with urine stained snow). A young man urinates in the snow (he spells out his name with the stream and we see the yellow tinged letters). A young man eats chocolate from a chocolate stream that he is later told is the sewer line (he spits and gags). A man flatulates in bed, then lifts the sheets to spread the odor.

PROFANITY 5 - 1 F-word, 1 obscene hand gesture, 3 sexual references, 8 scatological terms, 10 anatomical terms, 16 mild obscenities, name-calling (freak, dumb, stupid), 7 religious profanities, 4 religious exclamations. [profanity glossary]

SUBSTANCE USE - Two young women and a young man chug beer at a party; one young woman appears tipsy and the other projectile vomits on people standing by (we see the goo splatter on them). A man drinks from a bottle of alcohol in a few scenes, a young woman is asked by an air steward if she'd like a cocktail (she does not take one), a woman offers a young man alcohol (he does not drink any), a bottle of champagne is opened but we do not see anyone drink from it, and we see a refrigerator filled with champagne bottles. A character appears to be inebriated throughout the film. A woman who is pregnant is shown smoking and a young woman and man smoke cigarettes after they apparently have had sex.

DISCUSSION TOPICS - Orphans, being alone, death of parents, mutants, humility, family, strength of a family, epic adventures, betrayal, fair trials, cannibalism, bestiality, interspecies relationships, prophecies, bullying, fate, democracy, sex with multiple partners.

MESSAGE - Most movies are easy to spoof; perhaps too easy.

(Note: The images of four young people are added to a painting of the "Last Supper.")

Special Keywords: S6 - V7 - P5 - MPAAPG-13

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